I don’t know how to maintain a relationship with someone who’s emotionally stable. All of my strongest bonds have been forged through the fires of struggle and hurt. I don’t know how to deeply connect to someone who just shrugs when I say, “Everybody’s got pain.”
I don’t like putting labels on things because labels mean expectations. And I expect a lot. Don’t call me your best friend if you won’t fight for me. Don’t call me your best friend if you won’t listen to me cry. Don’t call me your best friend if you won’t drive to the abortion clinic. I expect a lot because I give a lot. I expect a lot because I’m worth it.
Friendship is the most important thing to me. Someone once asked me to talk about a passion of mine, and I spoke excitedly about my friends. How much I love them. How much I miss them. How I’d fight for them, lie for them, cry for them. At the end I was breathless and embarrassed, but I meant it all. I give so much of myself to others, recently it feels like I don’t have much of myself left.
I don’t begrudge someone who can’t or won’t or doesn’t feel the way that I do. If I’m too intense, tell me to back off. If I’m too affectionate, put me in my place. But I can’t continue putting my energy someone who doesn’t reciprpcate.
I just need someone to be honest with me.
I am 93% emotion and 7% fat. Everything I am is rich and intense. My anger, sadness, joy all tear me apart.
I don’t know how to maintain a relationship with someone who doesn’t feel.
I wrote this four months ago, and everything is different now. I don’t know what is going to happen. I don’t know where we’ll end up. I did some things I’m not proud of. I know that we’re going to be okay. But for a while, we were better than okay. We were great. I hope we’ll be great again.
I know the feeling anon. I dunno how else to explain it, but its like seeing your friend go through a car crash in super slow motion. You see it happening, you can’t do anything about it, You try and fix their seat belt, make their head as comfortable as you can, but in the end, everything is going to blow up and you’re helpless. You just watch. It sucks. It’s draining. What helped me was knowing I could walk away. As horrible as it sounds. My friend is stuck in the car, and I’m outside. I have the option to leave this, and they don’t. When I realized that, really realized that, it just made me want to be by them closer. I did what I needed for myself, I lived the life the way I would have when I wasn’t around them. I could enjoy food, and being outside, and music, and I could enjoy living my life, and they can’t. They just don’t have that option. I mean take care of yourself the way you want too, if you need space, just say you need it at the moment, make sure not to make it their fault, just say you need some time to get things mentally in order. If you can, do something or write something that makes them feel like you’re still there for them while you’re taking a break.
Edit: I don’t take friendship lightly. If I call someone a friend, like a real friend, I go through the shit with them. It’s how friendship works. Yes, I’m selfish and a cunt and all of that, but mostly with people who I don’t care about. My friends accept that, they also know when they need me, I’m there. Like as there for them as anyone could possibly be. Which is why I have so few friends. I’m not going to stress over people who kind of sort of matter. The people you decide to be close too should be people who matter. Matter enough to take pieces of you that you’ll miss, and for you to be okay with that.
Shout out to all my friends who stay by me when I’m falling apart and can’t be fixed.
My friend sent me a snapchat while I was napping topless. So half asleep I responded. But apparently there was a nip slip. I was so embarrassed until I saw that she screenshot it and replied with “saving this forever”. So shoutout to friends who don’t make you feel weird about your anatomyyy.
Also reminder to maybe where more clothes?? Haha probably won’t happen.
i’m so tired of this “misogynist with a heart of gold” hollywood trope
i’m so tired of these leading men who treat women like shit until they meet the “right” kind of girl who is worthy of their respect
revealing that they were a good guy all along
i’m so tired of being told my humanity is negotiable
bunnies and cats because bunnies and cats
Both species can be incredibly cheeky…. and incredibly affectionate <3